Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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