they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
