I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
