i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize