in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
