Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
