I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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