I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
