I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize