Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize