Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
