youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
