come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
