This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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