He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
