I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
