Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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