Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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