I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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