Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
