thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
