i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
did you just send me my own nude
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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