i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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