we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
