Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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