I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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