Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This baby is an asshole
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
