home. puking in laundry basket.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize