How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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