I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
