I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
