ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
two words...techno handjob
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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