I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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