I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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