I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
