Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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