Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
