I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
