Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Shame - the story of my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
