Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
