Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
