On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
