Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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