I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
