hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you never un-have a 4some
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
