We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize