I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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