I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
