I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
