so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
