I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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