well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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