if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
