i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
