There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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