The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
