"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
