He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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