I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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