Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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