I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
