Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
