I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
