I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
