we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
They took my balls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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