i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ok first of all what the fuck
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
