he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
