I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
