No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
