Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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