Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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