I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
