Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize