That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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