Ambien. No doubt about it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
