I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
