I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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