I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
