I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
