Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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