Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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